A Letter of Paul to the Bureaucrats

 


Salutation

1: (1) Paul, a mere and humble servant of the One, most holy and righteous Jesus, son of our Lord God, born of humble beginnings through Mary and Joseph son of Jacob, son of Mathan, son of Eleazar, son of Eliud, born of the flesh of Achim, Blinkin' & Nod, (2) from the loin of Zadock, son of Azor, born of Eliakim, son of Abiud, brought forth from Zerubbabel, son of Salathiel, born of Jechonia in Babylon, whom was born of Josiah before the deportation to Babylon; Josiah being the son of Amos & Andy, way-offspring of Manasseh, friend to Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young, son of Hezekiah, born of Ahaz, son of Jotham, son of Uzziah, (3) born of the flesh of Joram, from the jumping of Jehoshaphat, son of Asaph, son of Abijah, son of Rehoboam, of the stock of Solomon, born of Uriah, wife to David, King and son of Jesse, son of Obed, (4) brought forth by Ruth, wife to Boaz, from the womb of Rahab, wife of Salmon, of the house of Nahshon, son of Aminadab, son of Aram, son of Hezron, son of Perez, promulgated by Tamar, loving spouse of Judah, of the house of Jacob, son of Isaac, star of Shaft and Super Shaft, (5) born of Sarah, wife to our beloved Abraham, named by the Lord God as father of our nation, formerly known as Abram, son of Terah, son of Nahor, son of Serug, born of Reu, of the house of Peleg, son of Eber, son of Shelah, of the flesh of Arpachshad, (6) son of Shem, brother to Ham and Japheth and son to Noah, owner of Jehova's Yacht Corporation and survivor of the great flood, son of Lamech, son of Methuselah, flesh of Enoch, son of Jared, who one day while shootin' for food, struck oil and moved to Beverly... Hills that is, son of Mahalalel, brother to Jorel, uncle to Kal'el, known as Kent; Mahalalel being of the seed of Kenan, born of Enosh, (7) brought forth by Seth, son of Adam and born from the labor of Eve, mother of all God's children, after the expulsion from the garden of the Lord of all Creation; (8) I greet you Bureaucrats and all loyal in the faith: grace and peace to you from God the Father and Christ Jesus our Savior.

 

Words of Caution

2: (1) I fear in my attempt to guide your church in the ways of our Savior by allowing for the standardized discourse of which you are accustomed has not been completely successful. (2) I do not feel the Holy Spirit present in the correspondence I have received from you. In all truth, I do not understand most of the concepts illustrated. I have witnessed speaking in tongues, but until now I had never observed "writing" in tongues. (3) I was able to decipher something about excommunicating those persons caring for others in the community without filing the obligatory NRQB-33A/8 form with the Active Member Care Committee. (4) It is essential that all members share the love of our Father in heaven as demonstrated by His son Christ Jesus, with or without your precious NRQB-33A/8 form.

(5) This brings me to my next concern. Through prayer and communion with the words of our Lord and Savior Jesus, I have been convinced that 233 committees is too many for a community of your size. (6) For Christ's sake, there are only 307 residents in the whole town! And this idea of forming a second church is completely out of the question.

(7) Now, about this N-74.823/6 Additional Funding Requisition Form I received: You state, rather matter of fact, that your last "Feed the Poor" fundraiser had administrative cost overruns. (8) Aside from the fact that the whole point to fundraising activities is to raise funds; line 43A on page 17 is incomplete and therefore the form must be rejected. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO SEND ME ANOTHER ONE.

(9) Regarding the BV-666.43C/1A Questionnaire; I have no earthly idea how to answer. You're writing in tongues again.

 

Duty to God

(10) I still have not received the J-23.87AB/9 Attendance Form. (11) Please forward immediately.

 

Benediction

(12) May the Lord God our Father bless you and guide you; I leave you in His hands. (13) Heaven knows I don't know what to do with you. I bid you peace, abide with love and limited paperwork.

 

Amen


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Words Copyright 1994 J. L. Hunter (because God don't care, but I do)

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